You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. – Genesis 50:20
Dearest Chloe and Phoebe,
I regret that there will be people in your life who will hurt you. Sometimes, it will be the people closest to you who will hurt you most. You may even be surprised to discover just how badly you can hurt yourself.
But if you keep yourself in Christ, he will protect you from the inconsiderate to the treacherous to even yourself. This protection doesn’t mean you get to escape life’s torrents. I wish this were so. What it does mean, though, is that God will steer you to safety, heal your broke heart, and best of all, he will use the wreckage to remake something beautiful. Your pain will never be wasted.
This was certainly the case for Joseph in the Bible. After his brother’s had sold him into slavery, he was thrown into prison not once but twice. In time, Joseph found himself as Pharaoh’s righthand man, which essentially meant he was prime minister of Egypt. Through the wisdom God provided, Joseph was able to save Egypt and the neighboring countries from a severe seven-year famine.
Some decades after being sold into slavery, Joseph came face to face with his brothers. When his identity became evident to his perpetrators, they grew afraid. Joseph had every reason to unleash fury and he now possessed the power to do so. But according to scripture, that’s not what happened.
“15 When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, “What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to him?” 16 So they sent word to Joseph, saying, “Your father left these instructions before he died: 17 ‘This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.’ Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father.” When their message came to him, Joseph wept.
18 His brothers then came and threw themselves down before him. “We are your slaves,” they said.
19 But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? 20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. 21 So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.”
Joseph didn’t just withhold vengeance. He was kind to them. If you can appreciate the significance of what enabled Joseph to respond this way, the course of your life can take on a completely different trajectory. Joseph gained far more than he lost. In order to understand how to get through the worst of times with hope and come out the other end triumphant, consider three things Jospeh does.
1. Joseph avoids sitting in God’s authority. Sometimes people will hurt you for reasons as trivial as being jealous of you, like Joseph’s brothers were. When unwarranted viciousness is inflicted on you, you’ll want justice. Now. But I plead that you to not take justice into your own hands.
Vengeance belongs to the Lord, God says.
There are many reasons why vengeance belongs to the Lord. For one, it’s hard to prescribe, especially in your rage, what the correct dosage of what’s meant by “an eye for an eye.” The likelihood of dealing a blow much harder than the one that was initially dealt you in the first place is great. This will put you off tilt with God.
Moreover, vengeance belongs to the Lord because only God can “get even” without becoming evil. The true injustice of an evil done against you is that it has the power to leave you evil too. Like a virus, it will infect you – if you let it. A catastrophic event, for better or worse, will change you. It will either leave you more graceful or it will leave you more bitter. But you can’t stay the same. Because the choice that you make will put you on a trajectory completely opposite the other, you will be caught in a make-it-or-break-it moment. What you choose to do next will alter the course of your life.
The fear in withholding vengeance, of course, is creating the perception that you’re a meek target to be taken advantage of. Please don’t mistaken withholding vengeance for being a doormat. If there is a bully tormenting you, for instance, this person needs to be confronted by you – and those in authority – and be made to stop. You must do everything in your power to put an end to ongoing injustice.
But there will be situations when the tormenting has stopped, or there is no proper court or justice system to bring your grievances to, or the penalty that was administered doesn’t even come close to pacifying your anger.
What you are now faced with is the temptation to stew in your anger, let bitterness take root, and take justice in your own hands as you plot out a course of satisfying revenge. One that deals your perpetrator a blow so hard, he or she will never ever again have the energy to lift his chin up, let alone have the opportunity to repeat such an offense to you or anybody else ever again.
If you think Joseph’s lack of retaliation was a sign of weakness, consider that God’s justice will be worse. Because only God has the ability to truly bring someone to their knees in regret and deep remorse. Mark my words, your perpetrators will have their day of reckoning if you leave it in God’s hands, as Joseph’s brothers did. The true revenge might even be that something grand happens to you as a result of your perpetrator’s mistakes. Either way, the joke will always be on them.
2. Joseph takes God’s perspective. The second thing Joseph does is adopts God’s view.
Sorrow is made up of many emotions. The sadness that comes with loss is a big component, of course. But so much of grief, as C.S. Lewis explains, feels like fear. When you take fear out of the equation of the unknown, it makes the grieving process much more bearable.
What will happen to me now? How much will my life change as a result of this catastrophe? Will life be awful from here on out? These are natural questions everyone undergoing trauma has to deal with. But when you aren’t crippled by fear, you can actually move on.
Mommy recently went through something very difficult because of a careless act by another. But God shielded by doing three things: He reassured me that he had a better plan for me. He showed me there was purpose behind my pain. And lastly, he empathized with my pain in a way that only Christ can because he’s walked two miles in our shoes.
In this way, I felt God carry me through hell. I felt the heat, but my feet weren’t scorched. He blanketed me with comfort and hope.
When you trust that God can not only heal you, but take your most broken pieces and use it to make something beautiful, newfound hope will fuel a different kind of resilience and strength. There’s nothing quite as exhilarating as facing your worst fears and knowing it didn’t kill you.
Why so many people give up, I can only imagine, is because of unrealistic expectations. Any true grieving process is considerable. God’s work is amazing, but it’s seldom as swift as we want it to be. And you must stop at some point to absorb the sorrow and rage. It will hurt, but it won’t kill you.
What has been lost may not always be made up for in this life. But there will be a day when you will recoup your loss in full. More than full. Loss, in this way, is significant for Christian growth, I believe. If we had everything we ever wanted here in this life, how would we ever get invested in the life hereafter?
The more we lose, maybe through unrealized dreams or the loss of a loved one, the more we will look forward to the life after this one.
3. Joseph is kind. In treating someone who is penitent with mercy and kindness, you’ll have the opportunity to transform this person’s heart. Penitent is the operative word here, though. There is no point extending kindness to someone who is just going to spit on it.
But Joseph’s brothers were afraid. They were in a position of weakness now. By bestowing mercy and kindness, Joseph showed them God’s mercy and love. This is no easy feat. In fact it’s not possible unless you carry out the two points I just mentioned: avoiding God’s authority and taking God’s view. These two acts are precursors to any acts of kindness, without which, Joseph would not have been able to treat his brothers gently either.
So what is left to understand, but that you are in a sense untouchable my babies? No one can keep you down forever. Not even your own bad decisions can ruin you for too long. You might be knocked down by a blow, but God will use your brokenness to make you stronger and shinier than before.
God’s artistry and craftsmanship are on display in the skies, the oceans, and all of the living and breathing creatures that inhabit them. He took dirt and formed us. But in no other area is he more skilled than taking what is ugly, broken, and shameful and remaking it into something beautiful — if only you will let him.