“So now there isn’t any condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. He didn’t spare his own son but gave him up for us all. Won’t he also freely give us all things with him? Who will bring a charge against God’s elect people? It is God who acquits them. Who is going to convict them? It is Christ Jesus who died, even more, who was raised, and who also is at God’s right side. It is Christ Jesus who also pleads our case for us.” – Romans 8
Dearest Chanmi and Joomi,
In a recent post, I talked about why you stand to gain far more by choosing to forgive than by holding a grudge. Those who harbor bitter resentment hurt themselves – mind, body and soul.
This realization came to me through someone else’s painful regret. Eldridge Cleaver’s riveting chronicling of the degenerative path his hate lead him down in Soul on Ice, convinced me that in the end, “The cost of hating another person is loving oneself less.”
Since that fateful day when I reluctantly picked up this book as required course material for an undergrad course, I’ve managed to whittle down an offense no matter how big or small to a simple question: Do I hate this person more than I love myself? To which I’ve always answered with a resounding, heck no! As someone who very much loves herself, letting go of grudges has come much easier since then.
While this is a right step towards forgiveness, the strategic decision not to stew in anger for your self benefit doesn’t encompass the full Christian scope of forgiveness. The other {word} reason you should forgive is because Christ forgave us at so colossal a cost.
(Before delving into this, though, it’s worth noting that a self-motivated pursuit toward forgiveness isn’t wholly un-Christian. In fact, I believe it is quite the Christian thing to do and demonstrates an in-depth understanding of the Bible. One of the overarching themes in the Bible is that everything God asks us to do, from the seemingly impossible to the archaic, eventually works to the good of those who love him. God’s commands have our best interest at heart and leaning on this truth to reap a harvest for ourselves is something God promises to reward us for. People forget that altruism in the Bible is encouraged largely by seeking a heavenly reward for ourselves.)
So why is it so important to forgive from the vantage point of paying forward gains reaped from Christ’s emptiness? Because this is truly the transformative agent. It’s true, people seldom change. And even when they do, the process is slow. But change is possible when grace is poured out on a soul so battered that all they want is to feel the weight of divine justice. In this moment, the gentlest touch or a kind word can break former ways of thinking and habits bound by titanium chains.
But extending kindness when someone has performed demolition on your life is not possible with human strength. The only way someone is able to repay kindness for evil is if their bucket is really, really full. You can’t give from emptiness. So your ability to extend forgiveness will be commensurate to the degree you have received love. And while there are many sources of love from paternal to romantic, the most insane love I know is the one displayed by Christ on a cross.
Christ’s Sacrifice
Let us consider this sacrifice now. In order to do so, it’s important to consider who the Christian God is: the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. When Christ came down in human form to take on the weight of human sin, this relationship was severed. Christ suffered physical pain, to be sure, but he also lost his identity, the fellowship he shared with his Father and Holy Spirit, and experienced complete abandonment alone as he bore unrestrained wrath where supreme love once reigned.
Becoming a parent has helped me understand this sacrifice infinitesimally better. Never in a million years could I ever sacrifice either of you. The very moment you were placed in my arms, I loved you, undoubtedly and immediately. No deed was required to win this love. And you have brought me unspeakable joy. It is why mothers are able to march on the way they do, changing diapers, cleaning, packing lunches, wiping butts, sacrificing sanity, careers and dreams. Our instinctive drive to protect, nurture and love is what propels us into frontiers once thought unthinkable. That God would go the distance to sacrifice his son to bridge the gap between God and man is too wonderful to comprehend.
So if my human paternal love is a sliver of God’s love for his one and only cherished son, what does it say about his love for us? Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else?
The reason for Christ’s sacrifice
If you’re wondering, like I used to, why an all powerful God couldn’t just whisk away all the bad with the wave of a wand, the reason brings us full circle to why forgiveness is so difficult in the first place. For anyone who has ever experienced a grievous loss, he understands that you can’t amputate someone’s arm in a heated rage and say, oops, I didn’t really mean to do that. A mere sorry cannot patch a shattered heart or a broken soul or severed limb. Nor can a holy God ignore the murderous and malicious stench of sin. We demand something called justice. We demand justice because we were made in the image of a just creator.
Sin exacts a payment. Unfortunately, it was a payment too exorbitant for any one of us to pay. This created a great conundrum for a God of justice, who simultaneously loved us so much he didn’t want heaven without us. Christ was the answer to this great conundrum.
If you don’t commit to the pursuit of forgiveness, (the operative word is commit, as you cannot forgive someone right away) you are harboring hate for someone whom Christ died.
Read: What Does it Mean to Forgive
When the coldness of life pits you at a crossroad between forgiveness and harboring hate, be very aware that the fork in the road will force you on a trajectory completely opposite the other. You can choose the intentional road to forgive, which will grow your heart warmer, or default to natural feelings of bitterness and rage, which will grow you colder. You just can’t stay the same.
I hope you’ll choose forgiveness. Choose forgiveness because it will preserve your soul. Choose forgiveness because Christ forgave you.